I wish that I knew what I knew now when I was younger

you know those movies like Family Man? 


here's the basics: guy has a famous life, the life he's always dreamed of. then, something horrible happens like the death of his fiancé or not following his heart, (or in the case of Family Man, sees what his life could have been) and now he's living in a small town outside the big city with his family, forced to take a blue collar job to make ends meet. he sacrifices his career for his family. he desparately tries to regain the life he lost, only to realize by the end of the movie that his life is pretty great. oh, and they usually have some kind of spirit guide or angel telling them they're not crazy.


moral of the story: life is about relationships. it's pretty worthless if there's no one to love and share it with. 


well, sometimes i wish i had a magical, mystical revelation that comes at a crossroads in my life. an angel named Clarence tells me i mustn't give up now and must turn to the road less travelled, or i'm surely headed for certain doom.  


honestly, most of the time i don't feel my life to be so significant. i know deep down there's a desire in my soul to do something great. still have no idea what it is or when it would happen. but i have been wondering lately if maybe i was wrong. OR perhaps it is my perception of 'great' that is wrong..


i've always felt that the people in my life are there to push me, to guide me to that big moment in time that is mine to shine. but what if i'm just like them, and simply meant to guide someone else? is that possible when i can't shake this feeling of great destiny? 


anyone who knows me well knows i am not the poster child of self-confidence. by no means do i think i'm the greatest gift to the world. but i do think there is something i must do, some great purpose i have in this world. when i was told as a child that i would not amount to anything, i don't think i ever fully believed that. i think i've always known that i'm special. and i'm constantly trying to figure out why. 


Clarence, when's your cue? could you just pop in to tell me i'm not crazy?